The term you need to search for is “Pingbacks” (and maybe “Trackbacks”, but the former is better as it is less vulnerable to spam abuse).
It is an XML-RPC request. You can find the specification here.
Looking at github there seem to be some bare metal PHP implementations, but as I haven’t used any of them I am not going to link to them directly, but you can easily find them via Google.
Also be aware that you can only notify a site. If it cares about the notification as well as if and how the link is display is of course out of your control.
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