How to Remove All Widgets from Dashboard?

From this Q&A, I’ve learned about the global variable $wp_meta_boxes. And over there is also the code to remove the default meta boxes.

After examining the variable, this is the code I wrote to remove all Dashboard Widgets, including the ones added by plugins:

add_action('wp_dashboard_setup', 'wpse_73561_remove_all_dashboard_meta_boxes', 9999 );

function wpse_73561_remove_all_dashboard_meta_boxes()
{
    global $wp_meta_boxes;
    $wp_meta_boxes['dashboard']['normal']['core'] = array();
    $wp_meta_boxes['dashboard']['side']['core'] = array();
}

The answer to force one column as a screen option is from here:

add_filter( 'get_user_option_screen_layout_dashboard', 'wpse_4552_one_column_layout' );

function wpse_4552_one_column_layout( $cols ) {
    if( current_user_can( 'basic_contributor' ) )
        return 1;
    return $cols;
}

This one provided the code to hide the Screen Options and the Help tabs:

add_filter( 'contextual_help', 'wpse_25034_remove_dashboard_help_tab', 999, 3 );
add_filter( 'screen_options_show_screen', 'wpse_25034_remove_help_tab' );

function wpse_25034_remove_dashboard_help_tab( $old_help, $screen_id, $screen )
{
    if( 'dashboard' != $screen->base )
        return $old_help;

    $screen->remove_help_tabs();
    return $old_help;
}

function wpse_25034_remove_help_tab( $visible )
{
    global $current_screen;
    if( 'dashboard' == $current_screen->base )
        return false;
    return $visible;
}

Ok, now there’s almost nothing in the Dashboard, what’s next?

A bit of CSS to hide the icon-index and H2 title, and some jQuery to fill the void:

add_action( 'admin_head-index.php', 'wpse_73561_dashboard_scripts' );

function wpse_73561_dashboard_scripts() {
    ?>
        <style>#icon-index, .wrap h2 {display:none}</style>
        <script language="javascript" type="text/javascript">
            jQuery(document).ready(function($) {
                fillTheVoid(); // soon in StackOverflow 
            });
        </script>   
    <?php
}

_{[ update ]}

The filled void can be found in StackOverflow.
Use that wpse_73561_dashboard_scripts function instead of this one.