Custom theme – pages in menu

Since version 3.0 WordPress includes new menu system. It allows to setup menu items in administration area easily and associate menus with specific places in theme templates. It outputs decent list-based markup (pre-filled with classes) that you can style with CSS (and customize if needed). See Navigation Menus for where to start.

Losing theme customization when switching from a theme to a child

Not sure about “lost” header. Was it part of markup? CSS background? Custom background? Losing menu assignments is normal behavior. Child theme is not same theme as parent It is completely separate theme, that uses parent as fall-back Child theme is loaded and processed before parent theme (yeah, seems a little backwards). Don’t expect it … Read more

i want multiple blog, themes and database

Since version 3.0 capabilities to run multiple site on single installation had been included in WordPress core. See Create A Network in documentation. I have nothing to suggest on theme and I advise to split that part in separate question.

problem with wp theme uploading to server..?

Codex has some step by step instructions on manual theme upload. In case of issues it is also worth checking if theme structure and meta information are adequate and in line with technical requirements. There is also Theme Check plugin for automated testing, but it’s unlikely to help if WP can’t properly detect theme.

I’ve got a theme I can’t update and won’t let go

My suggestions would be: Overwrite with clean copy of WordPress. Try to output path constants and verify that theme is loaded from proper directory. Try disabling all plugins. Install configuration check plugin, like ServerBuddy, and see f anything lights up as horribly broken.