Notice: Constant already defined in wp-config.php on (non-existent) line?

tl;dr: Clear your (Comet) Cache!

Long answer:

I only have 2 words: Comet Cache!

Comet Cache was enabled.
Checking the source code showed me a note like this, after the closing </html>:

<!-- *´¨)
     ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
     (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Comet Cache Notes ¤ ´¨) -->

<!-- Cache File Version Salt:       n/a -->

<!-- Cache File URL:                http://<my-domain> -->
<!-- Cache File Path:               /cache/comet-cache/cache/http/<my-domain>/index.html -->

<!-- Cache File Generated Via:      HTTP request -->
<!-- Cache File Generated On:       Feb 22nd, 2017 @ 5:37 pm UTC -->
<!-- Cache File Generated In:       4.59149 seconds -->

<!-- Cache File Expires On:         Mar 1st, 2017 @ 5:37 pm UTC -->
<!-- Cache File Auto-Rebuild On:    Mar 1st, 2017 @ 5:37 pm UTC -->

<!-- *´¨)
     ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
     (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Comet Cache is Fully Functional ¤ ´¨) -->

<!-- Loaded via Cache On:    Feb 22nd, 2017 @ 5:37 pm UTC -->
<!-- Loaded via Cache In:    0.03472 seconds -->

Manually deleting /cache/comet-cache/cache/http/<my-domain>/index.html (path relative to your /wp-content/ directory) solved the issue.

I feel so stupid for assuming that there was no caching going on. Always blame the cache!

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